Mindfulness helps you bring awareness to your life, and one of the best ways to do that is to apply these tips to your marriage. Think about how busy your life is. Between work, kids, and other obligations, it’s easy to let your marriage slip into autopilot. When you’re just going through the motions, you’re not present. Mindfulness empowers you to become more present with everything in your life, including your relationship with your partner or spouse. If you want to increase connection and reignite your marriage, these tips can help.
Tip #1: Let Go of Control
When you were dating, you likely had a list of things you were looking for in a mate. That list helped you meet your spouse, which is great. What’s not so great is how that list is now something that you expect your mate to check off with every decision they make.
They can’t do anything right and isn’t enough for you. All because of this made-up list. The way to become more connected is to throw away the list. Drop your expectations. Let them be themselves. Stop cheating on them with their potential.
Tip #2: Redecide and Recommit
One of the most powerful, future-focused questions to ask yourself is: do you WANT to be married to your spouse? This is better than “do you appreciate your spouse?” because there’s something future-focused about it. When you answer a question about what you want to do, it’s based on the future, not the past. When you think about your future, you draw in the life you want to live. So answer this question and repeat the answer to yourself, almost like a mantra. This will help you stay focused on how much you love your mate (instead of on your list!).
Tip #3: Meet Your Own Needs
The purpose of marriage is for two people to come together to love each other. It’s not a fairytale meant for you to find them and then have them meet your needs. At first, this may sound terrible, but it’s the opposite. When two, whole, healthy people come together and want to give to each other, it’s magic. This means taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs. Be sure to prioritize yourself and meet your needs, so you can be the partner to your spouse that you want to be.
Tip #4: Notice Negative Thoughts and Change Them
Your mindset about your marriage is what creates your experience. If you feel happy in your marriage it’s because of your thoughts. If you feel disconnected in your marriage it’s also your thoughts. That’s not to say you don’t want to have those thoughts. I’m not saying that. You might want to have them. But it’s your job to decide on purpose instead of on default. What you focus on you will find. Low-grade negative or sarcastic thoughts will degrade your marriage. Mental rehearsal of a dream marriage.
Tip #5: Choose Connection Over Being Right
It’s human nature to think you’re right. We all do this—and speaking as a former lawyer, I can say personally that I’ve done a lot of work to overcome this and it’s been amazing in my marriage and relationships. The truth is that you’re not always right. And even if you are, why would you choose that over connection?
Tip #6: Prioritize Play, Fun, and Joy
In a marriage, there is so much centered around the home, kids, and work that it can be easy to get so stuck in a routine that the play, fun, and joy start to fade. This isn’t because of anything wrong in the marriage, it’s simply a lack of remembering to incorporate lightness into your days.
One way to do this is to put your brain to work on the question: “how can I be more playful with my spouse today?” See what your brain comes up with. Have fun with it!
If you have a healthy marriage but there are a *few things* you’d like to change, these mindfulness tips were made for you. They can help you take an otherwise “fine” marriage to a THRIVING marriage that continues to grow and evolve over time.
Mindfulness practice within a marriage or relationship expands our sense of love and appreciation for each other. We won’t be able to avoid challenges in our romantic relationships by being mindful, but we can acknowledge difficulties, repair ruptures, and then shift our focus to the positive. It takes regular practice to continue to address challenges mindfully. By working on a more compassionate and kinder relationship with your partner in this way, you will experience your heart opening up with even more love, and see more things about them to appreciate and cherish.